Assisted fertility treatment. The Heartbreak.

Well. Here it goes. Assisted fertility treatment. It didn't work for us. Heart broken. I could almost hear the sound of shattering. Shattering of hope, dreams about future. It was so much harder than I ever thought possible. Loosing something you didn't have to begin with. But loss nevertheless. Loss of opportunity to start a family. This time around! Thats what I keep telling myself. It will work next time. I'm sure. I'm hopeful. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. It will work. But for now I'm grieving. Or I'm trying to cope with this overwhelming consuming emptiness that resides inside my heart for now. Time heals all the wounds and it will heal this one. Tears! There is something so comforting about the saltiness of a tear. Crying helps. Not crying - sobbing. Pain. Physical pain. It will fade but never will my longing for a patter of tiny feet. Let's hope. And for all those that went trough this I feel your pain. I now understand. I thought I will be stronger but I'm not. I pray for myself and for those of you who is going through this.

Ins and Outs

In

Good weather. Yay! Wearing t-shirts and summer shoes is so much more exiting than wrapping yourself in warm jumpers and big jackets.

Decorating my new apartment is so much more interesting than I have ever thought. Especially when starting from blank canvas. Interior design here I come.

Eye brow threading. I have finally got the hang of it and can do as good of a job of it as in salon, if not better.

Out

My skin misbehaving. Well my skin is normally rubbish during the cold months, but as soon as spring sunshine peaks trough even a tad it gets into tip top shape by some kind of miracle. Didn't happen this spring. It's still dry at places, flaky, lacks radiance, looks dull, I can go on. Not good, not good at all.

My hair. In between cuts, in between color. Not a pleasant sight. For that reason its trapped in messy buns most of the time. Thats what it gets for not being up to the standard. I kind of responsible for the state of it. Must sort it out ASAP.

Summer wardrobe. virtually non existent. Nuf said.

So Little Time...

So much to do.
The Christmas is a snip away and I have left so much to do to a last minute. There is buying some Christmas presents still left to be done, there is wrapping,there is packing suitcases and catching a plane as for the first time in 9 years I will spend Christmas as it was intended to be spent - at home with family. I am full to the bream with excitement and fear. Excited to be having dinner at home filled with happiness, warm wishes, mum's cooking, brother's hugs and little nefew's laughter.
There is absolutely no exuses for being so far from home and missing all this.
Maybe I am bad daugher and bad sister.
But I will try and make up for the lost time.
And fearfull that there is just not enough hours left for me to do so much stuff. Maybe if I didn' sleep for a couple of days I could actually free up some time.
But instead of that I am finding time to type this.
Shame on me


Happy Christmas everyone.

Beware Domestic Goddess About

I felt a bit Nigella Lawsan -ish tonight. The result - lovely banana bread, well why be modest, it's the best banana bread I have both produced and tasted.
The only hard thing found in the process was the time it took, as the smell of homemade gorgeousness was lingering about the house testing my taste buds to to it's absolute limit. Well, having found the way to restrain myself till the process was over and done with I awarded myself with a generous slice of banana yumminess.

It's the case of having your cake and eating it.

Here is the recipe of infamous Javaholic's Banana Bread

1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon orange juice
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
2 medium bananas, mashed

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl, stir together soft butter and sugar. Add the eggs, lemon and orange juice and vanilla, mix well. Combine the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt, stir into the butter mixture until smooth. Finally, fold in the sour cream, walnuts and bananas. Spread evenly into the prepared pan.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean.

Countdown to Christmas

The last bank holiday is over!

It's when you feel that Christmas is just around the corner. I love this time of the year, the crispness of winter mornings, the rosy cheeks, the cosiness of long dark evenings, the warming crackling of fire logs, the fluffy socks,the wooly blankets, the cup of very hot hot chocolate, an easy read, the feel good movie and the feeling of anticipation that comes as christmas approaches.
And the countdown begins...

Another Day Another Dollar

I don't like mondays, actually I will go as far as to say I absolutely positively hate mondays.

Glad another monday is nearly over.

Thought to self - I absolutely positively hate 1/7 of my entire life.

Note to self - must be more positive about mondays.